Wednesday, 25 November 2009

  • i want to worship.

    i'm listening to 'how great is our god"... ahahah.. wow, i miss kat and patris... ahahha. i miss nmom... yeaaah, i do.

    but... there's this desire in my heart to worship God in that way... and even when i can sing in my room with my guitar and pray and worship in that way... i do miss a good worship with friends.

    i miss adoration too! aaahhh!

    Lord, hiii! i miss you!


    duuude... come, let us worship... with all that we are.

  • a belonging.

    mm... the paradigm is shifting... like that song.
    thinking alot lately. aaawww yeah. ahahah.

    do you ever ask yourself, "where do i belong?"  there's alotta meaning in that word... be long... it's a longing, a desire, to be... to be safe, to feel secure, to beloved... to just feel like where you are exactly supposed to be at exactly the right time.  aaand... there are times when i feel like i'm supposed to be just... one of those people who wander.. ... can there be a peaceful type of wandering... mm.. i duno?  but.. i do desire and long for... that place to just be... be at peace, and to know that i belong.

    there's been this cycle i think i've noticed in my life... it's like i'm going island hopping... i stay enjoy the company of a set of people and then when i hear the "go" i flow with the current and feel pushed to another island.  i mean, it's not like i won't ever see them again.. there's always a way to reconnect... i just feel like i'm not one to settle... but sometimes it would be nice to just settle.

    but... all in all.. i guess i know where i belong... i belong in the arms of Love.  forever in His hands.  and then i know that He unites my various spheres of life, my different groups of friends, and the random people that i meet... Love brings it all together.  and this Love is wonderfully constant - Love is.  and that is what i feel i can always fall into [a good reminder for me]... because there are times when i feel the ground beneath me falls.. and i'm reaching out to hold onto something solid... and i grasp to that something with my life... when i do... i realize it is Love, and Love never fails.

    i need to go to adoration... ahahah, i think that's what i'm missing out on.  there's a slight restlessness in my heart.. a pull, a push, an urge to seek for Him.  i want something more.

    i've been sleeping late... hungry... for What satisfies.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

  • soul care

    i am easily intimidated.  but for some reason or another, i have the ability to come up to some random people, strangers, COOL and awesome strangers without hindrance and say "HI!" and have a small conversation with them... i think it's something i nurtured here in college... i think it's something He pushed me to do.

    today, i shook hands with Dr. McGaugh... he's published, he works with labs around the world, he even has his own building named after him on campus... and today, as renown and prestigious a researcher and scientist that Mr. McGaugh is, i have also found out that he plays the clarinet and saxophone for a jazz band.  THAT IS AWESOME.

    i was late to class again today.  bummer... i really wanted to hear him talk for the entirety of the class.. but my body, as much as i wanted to, couldn't get up...

    anyways.. for what i did hear from Dr. McGaugh.. and from all the other professors i have gotten to talk to... Dr. Leon, Dr. Cahill... these professors are pretty solid in how they live... they are extremely warm, approachable, interesting, and amazing people.  they think, they live, they love... it's so apparent! it's so clear... when you talk to them... something more than just how amazing of a bio professor/researcher/scientist they are pulls you to talk to or meet them... they are genuine people.

    and that's when i walked away with warm, fuzzy feelings... a really solid feeling of hope and joy and peace... in who i am, and who they are.  in our lives, we meet millions of people - some of them for only a moment.  and i have to say, i am very grateful for the people i meet. 

    i don't know what it is about just.. people.. maybe this is what He understood for He had a great love for humanity... but moments like this one, during my N158 neurobiology of learning and memory class.. ahahha.. i know with conviction that Love has an underlying hand in this life... that Love mysteriously sets this world into motion, and is the universal thread for us all... and maaan.. do i feel in awe.

    soul care... it's the hope that there are people in this world really caring for their own souls by grasping life and living out love, searching for truth and finding beauty.... it's this feeling of joy when i see people are ready and willing to share their love and life with others.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

  • i want to be better.

    let me present to You the best of me because You are the One who can always see and then show me that there is still more work to be done.  and so ... i will be "under construction indefinitely" until i reach home...

    at the moment, it's school.  i feel like it's almost always school. 
    Lord, please help me to be a better student.  might i never throw away the blessings and opportunities You've given me being here at uci.  i want to be better.  so come Holy Spirit, give me the grace to focus and to find my 'studying zen' more easily ahahah... i want to be a great student, a great learner... i love learning! it's the discipline and focus that i lack many times throughout the day... i get so distracted or too excited or too "busy" with other things... but inside me, i know.. and i understand.. that i will always have this profound hunger to learn and to know more... so for now, while i am here, in this present time... at school! at a wonderfully amazing university, Lord, help me to not waste or take for grated this time and blessing... help me to approach my studies with clarity and determination... and to give my 110% foreals in my academics despite all the other responsibilities i have.  i don't know forsure how my priorities shifted, but i feel a great need to realign them with a solid discipline for school.  real talk, procrastination... let's fix that one.
    st. joseph of cupertino, st. thomas aquinas, st. augustine of hippo, st. joseph calasanz (new one on my homies list... ahahha and all guys too.. waadduup?!).. yeah heaven homies, please pray for me. thanks =) 

    whatever Your plan for me, i hope that i'll be able to use what i have learned and what i am still learning in these awesome years in college for Your greater Glory and to light this world up with Your unfailing Love! yeeyaaah!